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  • My doctor told me I have acute Paranoia. I wonder who else he's told???? 6 h
  • I thought my overweight neighbor was choking on a piece of cake yesterday...turned out to be a whole cake. 9 h
  • Worst thing about being 30 is that I can't get teenagers to sleep with me.....just like when I was a teenager... 12 h
  • My girlfriend is not sexually active...which is to say she just lies there... 15 h
  • Lying about your age is easier once you have trouble remembering what it is. 18 h