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  • I was all excited about making cool custom ringtones and then remembered no one calls me. 8 h
  • If you suck at playing the trumpet, that's probably why. 11 h
  • Children have so much energy because they siphon it out of their parents like tiny gasoline thieves. 14 h
  • Wouldn't you like to hit the "Refresh" button on your computer one day and actually FEEL LIKE IT?!?!?!?!?!? 17 h
  • We always mean what we say. It's just that we don't always mean to say it out loud. 20 h